No kids, no grandkids, no family, no friends. Sniff, sniff. All alone and lonely in the unfamiliar and scary corner of the world. Sniff, sniff. Long away from home where nobody speaks my language. Sniff, sniff. Will I be able to get my rost of coffee? No, I cannot do that. I don’t want to do it. How can I? I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be lonely. Oh no. Oh no. Sniff, sniff.
With each sniff, the idea of retirement paradise you so vividly dreamed about for the past 20 years is becoming less of a dream but more of a nightmare. Sniff, Sniff. How can think about going? You are scared, you don’t dare. Sniff, Sniff. And then you sniff some more.
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Retirement is an exciting time of new beginnings. New life chapter, new lifestyle, new home, new adventures, new hobbies, new friends. We fly off to paradise destinations to pursue our dream and never look back. It is the best decision we ever made and our only regret is that we didn’t do it earlier…. for most of us… I met Nicole, a 65-year-old writer from Portland, Oregon last year. Her dream was to retire in Coronado, Panama, rent a small cottage on the beach and write. She was planning her retirement for the past five years and already started counting down the days to the big day. Finally, the day has come… and passed… but Nicole stayed behind. Nicole got cold feet at the last minute. Her fear of being alone in a faraway land and living a lonely expat life without family and friends stopped her from pursuing her dream. |
So you give up on your dream. The dream of daily sunshine, warm nights, sandy beaches, morning dips in a crystal clear ocean, chilled drinks by the pool, flip-flops all year round, breathtaking sunsets and sunrises, stressfree life. The dream of hiking up a mountain or sailing around the world.
You abandon the idea of retirement paradise and stay ‘at home’. It is better that way. It is safer. At least you have a couple of friends nearby that you meet from time to time and a few neighbors, and perhaps you will get to see your family this Christmas. They promised they’ll try to make it this year. Sniff, Sniff.”
Leaving family and friends behind for the scary prospect of lonely life far away from home is a number one concern for all retirees and a dream-breaker for many. The fear of being lonely makes them give up on their dream.
How unfortunate, how unnecessary and how sad, For being alone or lonely is a non-issue issue.
So let me tell you right away:
Being alone or lonely will not happen. Not unless you consciously choose the hermit type of life and/or solitude. And even then it may be rather difficult to accomplish. You have nothing to worry about. Making friends in an expatriate community is the easiest thing in the world. Easier than in your hometown. Why? Because expatriates are all rocking the same boat. You are all looking for friends, friendships, contacts, network, social life as well as fulfilling and meaningful life. So if there is something you need not worry about in your paradise it is being alone. You will find friends in no time. In fact, you will have more friends and less time than you have ever had before.
In this day and age, you can begin to build your network and make friends long before your planned retirement in the comfort of your current safe home. That way when you arrive at your destination, there will be a group of friends already waiting for you … with a homemade dinner and a cocktail … and lots of stories to tell.
With today’s technology, all your new friends are just one click away. Get yourself a beverage of your choice, curl up on the sofa, open your laptop/iPad/cell or whatever you use and…
Follow these steps:
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Find expat groups: Before your arrival during the initial planning stage join all expat Facebook groups you can find, both national and area-specific. Not only will you get in touch with potential friends living in the area but you’ll also have access to an invaluable source of information.
They have all walked in your shoes and know what you are going through. If you are unsure of your destination and need advice, join groups in all countries of interest. Ask any question, raise any concern you may have and there will always be someone only too happy to provide answers and advice There will also be many newcomers or presumptive newcomers asking the same questions and having the same (or different) concerns. Read previous posts as many of your questions and doubts have already been answered. You are not alone.
Members of most of the Facebook groups meet for cocktails or dinner. Meet up with the members of your groups as soon as you arrive and I can guarantee you’ll never be alone again. They are the most welcoming, sociable, friendly, generous and helpful bunch you’ll ever meet.
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Follow interest groups: ‘Kill two birds with one stone’ and join interest groups, both on Facebook and on meetup.org. If you, for example, like taking pictures, join the groups where photographers hang out and join their events, e.g. photo walks. Not only will you meet plenty of people but you’ll meet people who share your interest.
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Join Social Clubs: Look for them on the Internet or ask your friends at the destination. Most of your new friends are already members so you can just go together with them to the next get-together. Nationals of most countries love to group themselves into nationality-based clubs, e.g. Americans in Panama or British Royal Club of Cascais. Members meet for lunches, cocktails, dinners, various events or celebration of country-specific holidays e.g. Thanksgiving or 4th of July. Other nationalities are welcome to these events giving you an opportunity to network and mix with all expat communities.
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Join Women’s Clubs: Similar to social clubs but for women only, e.g. International Women Organization, American women Association, Swedish Women Educational Association (SWEA). All of these clubs organize frequent networking events, coffee mornings, lunches, meetings with interesting people and also celebrate country-specific holidays (to which men are welcome)
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Join Internations.org: A global community of expats operating in most countries organizing series of networking and social events. A perfect place for networking. Do join them.
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Register with Embassies: It is always a good idea to register with your embassy. You can do it online. Once you’re on their list, you’ll be getting invites to various events, be it Christmas Markets, gala dinners or other more formal or informal events. You can also sign up to volunteer for e.g. Christmas Market and make more friends that way. It is a great way to meeting your community. But above all, by registering you’ll let your government know you’re in the area should a disaster strike.
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Register with Business Councils: Top networking. Most of the countries, besides more formal embassies, are also represented by less formal business councils. Their events are a great way to network and meet both local and foreign business people in a less formal environment. You don’t always need to be an entrepreneur to join as many councils also welcome individuals.
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OR, if you are in a small community: just go down to the beach or local bar
Before you know it, you’ll be the busiest person in the world. You will wonder how expat entrepreneurs or contractors find time to work with such a busy social life (I could never figure that out). You will be surprised how little time you have to Skype your friends and family back home. And talking about the family, you may meet them more often in your retirement rental than you ever met them in your home country, even more so if you live in an attractive beach community.
After a while, you may yearn for a quieter ‘me time’, you may even be selective which clubs to join or which events to go to. You will look forward to spending some time alone. When that happens you know your new home is your real home. So, put your fears away and stop worrying. Pack few necessities and go wherever you like to pursue your dream. Once you make that move you will never look back, like so many other retirees before you … like Nicole (see sidebar). Today she lives her dream life in Coronado, in a small cottage on the beach.
So, is a bird in the hand worth more than two in the bush? NO, not if you kill it.
You are so right! When we first moved overseas, I was pregnant with our first and some of our friends and family thought we’d never make it in a strange new place with a newborn and without family nearby. What they didn’t understand is that we found family in our expat community.
So true, one needs to walk in one’s shoe to understand 😉
I think, of course, it’s not think way for all older OR younger people, but this was one of the reasons we decided to just go for it and travel now. You never know how you might feel when you are older or how your confidence might be effected by a whole host of things from health, money, family etc. But these are great tips for the older generation who maybe do have those reservations to get out there and travel.
So true. I am pretty sure today’s young generation should and will have much fewer difficulties relocating once they get older. After all, they are used to traveling. Travels weren’t all that common 30-40 years ago, hence, the older generation of today may find relocation to another country somewhat problematic.
Some great advice here Eva! I do hope people close to discarding their dreams get motivated through this great article. Joining expat and other groups is certainly my number one way of making new friends in a new country. I will certainly retire somewhere on the beach one day hehe
Thank you Kreete. How nice of you. Retiring on the beach is my dream. Still haven’t found my retirement paradise… looking, and looking and looking for the past 841 days … one day… 😉 You’ll find yours too, Happy travels (and search)
These are all such great tips! Having been a part-time expat in Panama (and familiar with Coronado), I’m thinking the gal you mentioned made the right move. Often people dream of a place that they romanticize which totally isn’t the make up of the land they are dreaming about. Moving to another country, especially one such as Panama with many growing pains, government issues, and crime, is a hard sell when people really know the area. We see friends who have retired there for 3-7 years all packing up and moving back home or to South Spain at the moment, due to issues they simply cannot live with in Panama. I would never knock anyone for trying it, but dreams are just that, not realistic so heed caution using your tools at the very least. Great post!
Thank you, Melody, you’ve touched on a difficult subject that also needs discussing. (Perhaps I should write about it? ;)) Sometimes our dream retirement destination isn’t quite what we were expecting… even if we have plenty of friends. Some cultural differences or other obstacles can be difficult to overcome. About 10 years ago I was about to move to Barcelona. I went to do some scouting but left only a week later. Barcelona, notorious for its pickpockets, was not a place for me. It wasn’t even the pickpocketing itself that made the city impossible for me to live in but the knowledge of being constantly observed by the pickpockets. It violated my integrity and freedom. Just couldn’t do it. Thank you for your comment. Much appreciated. All the best, Eva
A great article! I really like your tips, even if I prefer to travel with others. But that’s how I could imagine it.
Thank you
Great advice – I find making friends as an adult can be so difficult. I definitely think connecting with like-minded people on the internet is a great start.
Thank you Rachel, Making new friends is extremely important as all your existence can (and does) depend on it. Happy travels. And lots of friends.
My wife and I hope to retire early and do lots of travelling. But there is something scary about taking to the road alone when you are older. I love all the groups you’ve suggested here for people to connect.
No Jennifer, it isn’t scary. 😉 It all depends on your mindset. Don’t listen (too much) to other people, especially the negative ones. In my experience, these I-know-it-all individuals have no idea what they’re talking about but repeat second/third/fourth hand stories. Enjoy your retirement and happy travels.
P.s. and thank you xxx
I dream of retiring to Italy in 20+ years, and being away from family is the biggest drawback I see. But, I can imagine joining these groups and meeting people to quell my sadness until my daughter comes to visit us in Italy 🙂 Also, the idea of Skyping often has to make it feel like you’re not so far away.
I don’t think you have anything to worry Amanda. In 20+ years most retirees (and other folks) will be bi- or even tri-continental. ;). You’ll have no problem socializing with your daughter, not only by skype but also IRL. Happy retirement … whenever that comes.
Great ideas. it’s so nice to travel now as we have access to so many resources online. What is your experience of travelling and being lonely?
Thank you Adrienne. With regard to my experience of traveling alone? …. Stay tuned, I’ll be publishing a post on this very subject very soon. Happy travels. Eva
Those are some smart steps to take. We are a species that thrives in communities. There is no better way to improve your quality of life than expanding ones network and friends. Travel opens your world to many new opportunities for fellowship and expanded networks.
Thanks for sharing. Keep travel blogging. Adventure is better shared with friends!
Thank you, Anthony, you’re so right. We are herd animals (well, most of us) and feel best in the company of others. Happy travels. Eva
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I have followed your adventures and travelling around the last years.. Enjoyed it very much.. Motivates saving and planning.. Take care and perhaps will meet up somewhere sometimes somehow.
Ah Anette, so sweet of you. Much appreciated. Of course, we’ll meet again. Will be in Spain / France late spring/summer. Otherwise .. I am very mobile. Let me know where you are up to next. I may come … if I am in the same part of the world. Could be fun to travel together for a while. On my way to Nicaragua and Guatemala maybe Cuba. Then Europe.Then maybe Asia again. Take your pick 😉 kram Eva